Blondes Have More Fun

Taylor Swift, Oppressively Blonde

White people are something like 13% of the world’s population, and their proportion is in decline. For such a small and dwindling people, the fame and notoriety they arouse is phenomenal. But even more remarkable are white males, who arouse fame and notoriety galactically out of proportion with their meagre 6% share of the world’s population. Like the parties thrown by the small clique of popular kids in high school, the whole world wants in on the White man’s party, and when the invites are not forthcoming, the whole world throws one mighty, bitter temper tantrum.

The most recent temper tantrum was the one thrown over the Academy Awards. This is a party, an annual shindig, honouring the best films produced over the past year. When the invites were read out over twitter, it quickly became apparent that very few non-whites had been invited. While non-whites everywhere were throwing temper tantrums over not being invited, another group was quietly rejoicing – as is their custom: I speak, of course, of white nerds, who, through the nominations of the Alan Turing and Stephen Hawking Biopics, had finally been invited to the party. It was as if the jocks and the nerds had banded together to keep out the brown man.

Even though the “snubbing” of the brown man was a concerted effort, the nerds appear to be reaping most of the blame. This is not isolated. In Silicon Valley, something of an alliance between nerds and jocks is forming, the fruit of which appears to be an entity that combines the gregariousness, athleticism and charisma of the jock with the intelligence and one-dimensional focus of the nerd, what has been dubbed the “brogrammer”. The amalgamation of the two types of masculinity –nerd and jock – is creating an uber-masculine, uber-white entity. Cecil Rhodes was a walk in the part compared to this monster.

Nerd + Jock = Uber-Oppressor

Clem Bastow of the Daily Life – a Jezebel offshoot in Australia — blames nerds for the paucity of brown people at the Academy Awards. She writes: “Please, no more movies about white male geniuses”. Unfortunately for nerds, their alliance with jocks is making them a lot of enemies. I suppose that one conciliation is that their new jock buddies — wingmen — will mean that nerds will never again have to resort to dating women of Clem Bastow’s kind. Bastow, on white male genius movies, says: “I have already seen this movie, about a million times.” Well, there are a lot of white male geniuses, so I’m not surprised. According to Charles Murray, 97% of all scientific and artistic achievement between the years 800 BC and 1950 AD was accomplished by White Men.

Clem Bastow proposes that in place of Alan Turing, a Founding Father of Computer Science whose efforts were instrumental in the allied victory of WWII, Hollywood should make a movie about the Founding Father of Peanuts, George Washington Carver – a black man. I’m afraid that while this might please the brown crowd, the peanut intolerant crowd – many of whom happen to be nerds – won’t be impressed.

Bastow’s soft bigotry of low expectations — her laughable if it wasn’t sad idea to promote George Washington Carver as on par with Alan Turing — underlies the problem: there aren’t all that many really smart blacks guys to make movies about.

I think this is the essence of the temper tantrum: bitter resentment over White achievement. For those privileged whites, unable to empathise with black resentment, think about what your life would be like if the pinnacle of your race’s achievements were white bread and Iggy Azalea.

As I said previously, whites are only 13% of the world’s population. There’s a whole brown world out there, with its own film industries – Nollywood of Nigeria and Bollywood of India – which are almost exclusively black and brown, respectively. Is it such an outrage, then, that white people have their own film industry, not in which everyone is white, but in which the overwhelmingly majority of people are white?

The problem is that blondes have more fun. Everyone wants to be invited to their parties.